tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
