Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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