Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
