Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
