I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
