dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
