I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
