Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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