The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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