he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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