I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
