I hate your face
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
