so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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