WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't think brook has ever known best
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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