between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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