she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
