I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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