The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We had to coat check the pizza.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
