fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
