God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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