She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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