Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just want nice things and good sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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