Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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