I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
