Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
