What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
