Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
