Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
