And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
