i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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