somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
