Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
