so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
