you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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