I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
