she was so not down for the gang bang
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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