Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
