This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
