never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The struggles of a small town man whore
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