Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
