did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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