i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
