So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize