i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
