now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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