She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
