So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
