people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize