bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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