You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
