So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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