What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
