I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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