No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
