haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
