her vagine was all disorganized.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize