Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
