she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
