May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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