check it out our google latitudes are spooning
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
