I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize