dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
