some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
