How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
