4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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