I could have mohawked her pubes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Holy shit dude........stairs
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