I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
