new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
