I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Terrible idea I love it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
