I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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