I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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