I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize