My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
