take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
