Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
