Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i came on her dog
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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