So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
